Disclaimer: I love my kids.
I really try to love my kids and show them every day with my actions and words. Sadly, I fail a lot and they annoy the hell out of me and I start whining about how much they whine and yell at them about how much they fight and beg them to just BE QUIET for 2 minutes and let me drink my god damned coffee already. GAH! I know that I never want to get a divorce because being the primary care giver for 3 small children is mentally and physically exhausting. I don't know how stay-at-home mom's do it. I think I would have to drink copious amounts of alcohol.
I can clearly see that what I'm doing is not working, but I can't stop myself. I know that I should just leave the dishes and sit down and play with them. I tell myself it will only take a minute and I just do the chores and get it over with, meanwhile the attention whores are beating each other senseless in the next room so that I will come in and yell at them.
I have been trying to take a step back and calm myself down before reacting, it is a mental practice. And it takes a lot of practice. After about the 2nd or 3rd time I yell, I will stop down and take the offending party in the other room to be angry or cry. Then I come back and sit with them, give hugs and wipe their tears. Tonight I did not do so well, there was more yelling than hugging until bedtime and more tears than usual. I know that I am tired too, which does not help.
And now I'm just going to rant. Why does everyone have to have an opinion? Why can't you just sit in the same chair you sit in every day? Why do I have to stand here sweating while you attempt to buckle your seat belt but I am not allowed to help but I also can't walk away? Why do you have to take everything away from your sisters? And then why do you have to gleefully run away while they cry? Why does the waffle have to be cut at a perfect angle? Why can't the jelly touch the peanut butter? Why does that stuffed cat smell so bad? Why can't you walk up the stairs - you are capable! Why can't I just sit here and watch? Do I have to get up?
Why? Because they are kids and I'm the Mommy. I need to suck it up and have a beer and chill the fuck out already. They are wonderful, healthy, generally happy kids and I appreciate their little personalities and pre-schooler demands. Take a deep breath and RELAX. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0...