Sunday, July 3, 2011

Know that "Oh Shit" Feeling?

I had it today, major "Oh Shit!"  I took the kids outside this morning, determined to spend time outdoors and wear them out before it got too hot.  We started off with breakfast, then drug out all the Play Dough stuff, then turned on the hose and let them fill up buckets and spray each other.  After Play Dough Jack was bored and wandered into the house.  I was about to turn on the TV for him, cause then I knew he would mostly stay put, when he closed the door.  He closed the door and locked it.  I realized it pretty quick, he was still standing there with Mickey in hand looking at me through the glass. 

I knew the front door was locked.  I knew the garage door was locked - dead bolted.  I was pretty sure every window downstairs was locked.  So I tried convincing Jack to unlock the door.  I very calmly asked him "unlock" the door, but he just swung off the handle.  I finally asked him to turn the "KEY" and he knew what I meant.  That's when I figured out he had managed to deadbolt the door too.  FUUUCK!  He could not turn the top lock, so I got him to drag a chair over so he would have better leverage.  I am starting to panic now imagining him falling off the chair and cracking open his skull while I watch.  I am also pretty sure the 5 Mexicans building a patio next door can hear me getting more shrill (and I'm not being racist, they really are Mexican and barely speak English).  (What IS racist is that I wondered if they knew how to jimmy a lock).

Jack still can't turn the lock.  I know Tina doesn't have a key anymore, she had our old key and I never gave her a new one.  I was pretty sure the Selfish Mommy had a key, but didn't know if she had returned from her day out on the lake yesterday.  Maybe J Sr has one hidden in the garage, but he's in Taiwan so F me.  I am seriously considering dialing 911 at this point.  One last try.  The front door is locked, but it is easier to turn.  I know Gwen can turn that lock.  I ask Jack to go to the front and turn the big key.  Maddy and Gwen follow me to the front door, both chattering on about Jack locking us out and what is he doing in there, and is he touching my stuff, and how will we get in?, and we miss Daddy - all very helpful. 

Luckily, Jack quickly opens the door and gets an attack style hug from Mommy.  The girls march right back to the backyard after I attempt a lesson in unlocking doors for future reference.  Gwen can't work the top lock at all without a lot of effort, so I don't know how Jack managed it. 

So, Monday I will be making some extra copies of our key to be left with our neighbors.  I will also be much more careful about that Jack.  I swear he can be the sweetest little guy in the world - cuddly, giving kisses to his sister, helping clean up.  And then he turns into a devious master mind hell bent on terror.  "Pow-Pow!" says Jack. 

1 comment:

Renee said...

HOLY H*LL - I am impressed you kept calm - I know, what else is there to do but man alive! Score one for the calm mommy (to a later post of yours!) :)